Wednesday, March 28, 2012
More Fog, Please
How long can one hover over a keyboard before actually typing something? Getting this started feels like so many other things in my life right now. I can see the value or necessity in them but it takes laser focus to just put one foot in front of the other and get anything done. I am emerging from the fog of losing Dan and find myself craving the fog. Without it, I can see more clearly what Life #2 will look like and the view is leaving a little to be desired. I was reminded the other day that God will never let go of me. It was during the course of a phone conversation. My friend said it and then repeated it again later. I was caught off guard with her reminder, not because I haven't heard it before, but because I was not in acute emotional distress and it seemed out of the blue. I can compare it to someone saying "Oh, by the way, I spoke with God this morning and He's been having a hard time reaching you so he wanted me to tell you that He will never let go of you". It wasn't, of course, out of the blue. It was out of the heart of God. I am thankful that God is still holding on to me and reaching me right where I am...even if I don't know where that is.
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Linda,
ReplyDeleteI am just now learning about the passing of your husband. I guess I'm not as good at facebooking, as I had thought. However, after closely looking at your FB profile, it's not as though many messages were posted on there during that time (February). It was easy to miss, especially since I am not on FB all the time, so this is all brand new knowledge to me.
Well, I'm saddened at your loss, and my heart is now curiously concerned about yours (your heart, that is). However, I sense that a great restoration has been taking place, and you are recognizing that Life #2 can and will have as much meaning and purpose as Life #1.
I saw your 'New Post' message today (8/29/12), and I read it very slowly. As I said, I had no idea you had become a widow. After reading your blog, and pausing to consider the season you are currently in, I came straight to this archived post - your first, after losing Dan, I'm assuming.
In it, you talk about...
the fog...
Well, I know the pain and pleasure of being in the fog, as well.
As a Christian, I have so many unanswered questions and seasons of confusion with varying degrees of clarity and fog. At times, it can seem like I'm floating from one day to the next, with almost nothing solid or stable beneath me. I neglect to pray, too.
While I have not gone through anything even remotely close to what you are enduring, I'm saddened to say that I have acted quite poorly in the sight of God, for far less.
I am merely trying to say that I am greatly encouraged by your spiritual maturity and depth of insight, at such a devastating period in your life. When your friend reminded you that God would never leave you, you exhibited what it is to have ears, to hear.
Amidst your grief and fogginess, your instinct was...
to be faithful.
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I'm thanking you for sharing the testimony of this period in your life. It gives me great hope, Linda.
Christ has permanent residence in me, as well, but I have yet to give Him everything - the way you seemingly have.
What a great blessing your husband must have been to you that Christ's strength is so clearly present in your life. A good man raises up his wife, and you are lifted high.
You are lifted high!
Thanks so much, Alva. So great to hear from you - such an encouragement!
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