My Need To Over-Inform

It is no surprise to me or probably anyone else that I am experiencing a bit of an identity crisis.  Actually, I think crisis is not the right word...I'm not in immediate distress or panicking about it.  Maybe an identity inventory? An identity evaluation? Identity adjustment? I have a pretty good handle on who I am, but I am working on how exactly I fit into the world now.  Right after Dan died, I knew my title: Widow.  It sounded very strange at first and I was sure I was too young to be a widow.  However, it was one word that explained so much.  It almost wasn't even necessary to use that word because I was surrounded by familiar, close friends and family who knew exactly what had just happened and to them I was just me.  I have met new people since Dan died like my counselor or the other parents at The Warm Place (an awesome grief support center for kids) or people in Griefshare, but there's not a lot of explanation required there either.  New people are coming into my life now who never even knew Dan or what has happened and I am realizing my deep seated need to give them a clear picture of who I am.  Not just who I am NOW (single mom of four), but who I have been for the last 20 years (mom of 4, happily married to father of aforementioned children until his untimely death just months ago).  Let me describe for you what might possibly be the most awkward introduction I have ever made of myself.  We have new neighbors across the street who just moved here from North Carolina.  I noticed some activity going on over there after the house had been vacant for a couple of months, and it became obvious we were getting new neighbors.  I could see out my window some little kids and a young mom and dad walking in and out of the house, weaving through boxes and starting to get settled in.  When it seemed like a good time, I walked out to check the mail and waved to say hello.  The dad was the only one outside at the time and I approached their house to introduce myself.  We stopped in the middle of the street and I shook his hand, told him my name, got his name, asked about his kids and then (here it is) proceeded to tell him it was just me and my kids in our household because my husband had died 6 months before.  Poor new neighbor guy.  What was he supposed to do with that? Then his wife came out, got the same smile, handshake and uncomfortable info I had just given her husband.  These poor, poor people.  Some welcoming committee I am.  Fortunately, they are very sweet people and both said 'I'm sorry' and have since become my friends in a very short time.  I've even apologized to the wife for laying that on them in the middle of the road while meeting for the first time, but she assures me they did not consider re-packing the moving truck in search of a neighborhood with less open neighbors. We all went to the high school football game a couple of weeks ago and one of their daughters, a five year old, asked me why my daddy wasn't at the game.  I figured out that she meant my husband and I just told her that he had already gone to heaven.  She was a little confused, so I told her he was really sick and God took him home to heaven, but brought new friends into our lives, like her family, to help us.  This answer satisfied her, so she hasn't asked about it anymore.  I also started a new part-time job recently working with kids.  One of the first questions I was asked on the first day was "Are you married?" I answered without thinking with an immediate "Yes".  Then it hit me and I began to try to explain, "Well, I am, but my...um...my husband died...and so, I, uh, well...". I also corrected someone who called me MISS Smith instead of MRS. Smith and then realized I wasn't even sure what it was supposed to be....is it MS. Smith? How about The Speech Therapist Formerly Known as Mrs. Smith? Like I said, I have a need to be known and I guess I am not in a place yet where I don't care if people know how I got to where I am.  The thought of my new neighbors 'filling in the blanks' on my life without painfully accurate information would have driven me crazy. I'm not sure what that says about me, but I'm going with it for now.  I apologize in advance to the unsuspecting strangers who will be victims of my need to over-inform and I want to thank, in advance, those who stick around to see how it all turns out.